I PARTY :
There are several reasons behind this IMO.
1) The meaning of "J", "E", and "J/E" flag and the meaning of "Language Preferance":
In JP version client softare of FFXI, it is stated that the meaning of "Language Preference" means the languare you are willing to utilize and is able to. So, when a JP player sees a "J" flag, they will take it for granted that, that player can speek Japanese. In case of a "J/E" flag, it will mean to us that, that person is bi-lingual, meaning that person can communicate in both languages without an extensive use of the translator to a certain extent. It is also stated in our Player Manual that you set this flag in accordance to your language speaking/communicating capabilities.
I know that this is not the case in NA version playing community, that you the "J/E" flag as "willing to group with both Japanese or English speaking players" = "willing to group with any player, regardless of the language".
The difference in definition of the "J/E" flag is not the fault of either NA or JP playing community, but the fault of SE in not expressing officially, which meaning is correct by SE's standards.
So, this problems occurs that when a NA player who doesn't speak Japanese put up a "J/E" flag, the JP player sees that action as "Decieving", since the majority of the JP player community doesn't know what the "J/E" flag means to the NA players. Discommunication occurs as result, and that leads to bad reputation that a NA player who has "J/E" flag is not "truthful".
The only temporary solution I can think of to soothe out this somewhat is to put in your search comments that you can NOT speak Japanese, but is willing to group with JP players, so that JP players can atleast know beforehand your true intention of "J/E" flag means. It's really up to SE to remedy this situtation as a whole, though.
2) The grouping habits of JP players:
First of all, please note that majority of JP parties are formed and disbanded in Jeuno. Our usual method after Lv20 or so is to form a 6 people group in Jeuno, and according to the configuration of the members, we choose where to go XPing, and head to the hunting grounds together. It is very rare that we pickup someone at the hunting grounds, so if you are going LFG in hunting areas, it will be very rare that you will get into a JP group.
Also, another habit is that we usually don't add members. When a member or some members need to leave the party, we usually don't look for replacements, but just go back to Jeuno, or any of the nearby cities and disband the whole group. And usually, an average JP XPing group will hunt around 2-3hrs with the same group. It is very seldom that we keep at it at the hunting grounds for hours, adding replacements. This is the main reason behind any players not being able to join JP groups AT the hunting grounds, or in Kazahm, etc.
3) The English speaking capability of an average Japanese person:
In Japan, we are required to take atleast 6years (in Jr. high and highschool) of English courses. The problem is, the Eng. education done in majority of Japanese schools are done in order to clear the college entrance exams. So, what is taught in these schools are more based on grammer and memorizing words, rather than actually trying to make the person capable of communicating in English. So, even though an average Japanese may be able to recognize simple words or phrases, most of them are not up to the standard of actually being able to make any form of communication out of them. In Japan, people who really want to learn how to communicate in Eng. goes to English conversation schools, paying something like 500-1000bucks per month. Since the majority of Japanese' Eng. capablility is very limited, most of us are very reluctant to put them selves in Eng. speaking environment of any form.
4)Japanese preference of XPing atmosphere:
Usually, most of average JP players perfer to chat around jokes and such during XPing, even in pick up groups. Yes there are some hard-core gamers, who prefers non-speaking, looking for uber-XP chain groups, but majority of JP players will place "enjoyable and friendly" atmosphere over these uber-XP groups, where the atmosphere is more uptight. So, the JP players would rather group with Japanese speaking players only, so they don't have to worry about not having have to utilize Eng. They feel more at ease that way. I'm sure that many NA players would choose Eng. speaking players over JP speaking only players, if they were able to choose between the two. We can utilize the translator function to a certain extent, but many of the words and phrases in this function is very limited to just basic gameplay. SE should really add more words and phrases that makes us communicate our emotions a little bit more easier.
5)Difference in tactics and strategies:
In JP groups, we perfer to think what is best for the group, and what we can give to the group. This means that we limit our playstyles and choice of our sub-jobs, especially in pick-up groups, so that all of us shares the same base knowledge behind the tactics and strategies. In other words, we usually have templates of actions preset for most XPing situations, and abide by them, and not improvise much from them, unless there is an update or a patch that requires to change our methods and/or formulae. For JP players, keeping your sub-jobs up-to-date at all times, save may be when you leveled in that group where you went over the prepared sub-job level. We usually utilize food at all times in XPing groups post 20, almost 100% post 30s. IMO, NA players are more varied in their playstyles, and individualized, when compared to JP players. Many (I'm not saying all, or even majority of) NA players will sub accoding to their likings, and some will go far as to say "this is my game, and I play for enjoyment, so I'll sub a SAM to my RDM and melee upfront all I want, because that is MY playstyle.". Now I know, that these people are by no way a majority. But, I regret to say, people with this kind of "individualistic" notion is percentaged higher in NA community than in JP community. I am not saying this is bad, nor the JP way is good. It is just difference in playstyles, and some tactics and strategies that is felt comfortable in NA groups, are sometimes not in JP groups. So, rather than make a big issue out of it, many JP players will just wait for another JP or JP speaking player, so they will know that all players will share the same values and notions in XPing, and will be able to adjust easily because all speaks the same language, if there is a difference that needs to be settled.
6) Steps involved in utilizing the Translator funcion:
In NA clients, in order to utilize the translator, all you have to do is to type a few letters of the word you want to translate, and hit tab, and then hit enter once you find the word you want to translate and finalize it.
In case of JP clients, the basic steps are the same, only that we have to use the IME (Japanese input method) before we hit tab to select the word/phrases. Usually, utilizing the IME to input Japanese takes another 2, 3 steps, so in total, we need to take 5,6 steps to input Japanese (and hit spacebar to choose the right Japanese word in IME), hit tab, choose word/phrases in translator, hit enter to finalize.
So, in this way, many JPs are reluctant in utilizing the translator in real-time conversations, since most of JP players are not fast typist to start with (we are not required to take any typing/word-processing courses in schools). So, our use of the translators are usually limited to our macro-comments, search comments etc. It may sound lazy from a NA player's point of view, but since many JP players are not too enthusiastic in placing themselves in Eng. speaking atomosphere, and also very reluctant in putting a single Eng. only speaking player in a group consisted of 5 JP members (because they themselves doesn't want to place themselves in a situation being an only JP member in 5 Eng. speaking member groups), many JP groups will look for another JP player to pop, instead of inviting an Eng. speaking player.
Please note that the majority of JP players not inviting NA players are due to the language and communications issues, and also in difference of playstyles. So, to most of us, this is not in any way, cultural or a racial issue, but just a practical issue. Yes, we have our share of bad apples, and I admit, we do have quite a few of them, probably as much as the same percentage as you have bad apples in NA playing community. We most definately has some JP players who will discriminate against NA players for being an American, Brithish, Canadian, or what ever nationality/race you are. But they are not the majority, although they sometimes stick out like a sore thumb, but for most JP players' reasons behind being reluctant in grouping with English speaking (not because they are NA, but because they don't speak Japanese), is usually the combination of above 6 reasons.
I know tht the present situation is not 100% preferable situation for both sides, but this situation of mixed culture has only been out for 6 months or so, so let us give both sides a little bit more time, and also hope that SE can give us both some more solution to make it easier for both of us player bases.
Sorry for the long post.
Aenos