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A oto jak by wygladaly filmy sw gdyby byl w nich system NGE :
Episode VI, The Sarlaac Pit:
(Lando is holding on for dear life to the pike that Han is extending towards him. The Sarlaac is slowly pulling him in.)
Han: Chewie, give me the gun.
Lando: No wait, I thought you were blind!!!
Han: It's alright, trust me.
Lando: Dude, stuff's changed since you were frozen. You can't just click the tentacle and start shooting. You have to really aim.
Han: *through a big light blur* It's okay, I can see a lot better now, pal. *aims randomly, arm swinging everywhere*
Lando: A little higher....just a little higher....NO A LOT HIGHER, HAN! HAN!!!
*Han squeezes the trigger and blows off Lando's head*
Chewie: *whimper* (Noob.)
from Corbantis.
Episode V, Dagobah:
(Yoda has been testing Luke to see how he handles his semi-forgetful impression of how annoying Jar-Jar Binks could be.)
Yoda (talking to the air): I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.
Voice of Obi-Wan: He will learn patience.
Yoda: *frowns* Hrm. Much anger in him, like his father.
Obi-Wan: Was I any different when you taught me?
Yoda: Yes! Different you were, Obi-Wan! Through seventeen professions you did grind before a Padawan you became. Patiently I sat, while makeovers you gave me in the Jedi Temple. This robe of mine, thirty years it has served me, sewed it you did as a tailor. Dug up many holes in the meditation gardens learning surveying, you did! This one, expect to respec and be a Jedi, this moisture farmer?
Luke: But I'm ready! Ben, tell him I'm....
Yoda: *interrupts* Ready are you? What know you of ready? For EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS have I trained Jedi. My own counsel I will keep on who is to be trained! A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind! To not stand around the starport flashing your lightsaber to any random noob who offers a duel! To not cry like a dying chuba at the approach of a bounty hunter because decided to answer your cell phone you did, instead of protect your life!
Yoda: *talking to Obi-Wan again* This one, a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away, to the future, to the horizon....never his mind on WHERE HE WAS, hrm? *pokes Luke* What he was doing! Expect me to train an AFK macroer as a Jedi, do you?
Luke: I guess not. But I have this respec kit with 10 charges, so I'm going to be a Jedi one way or another.
Yoda: Forbidden this is! To become a Jedi without training, unheard of this is in the history of our Order! No discipline! No control! The dark side this leads to!
Obi-Wan: Luke, don't give in to the NGE.....
Luke: *uses the device* Well, Yoda won't train me, so oh well. I'm a Jedi now.
Yoda: But Vader you must face!
Luke: Vader, schmader. I'm gonna show my glowstick to the guys at Toschi Station, laterz Yoda!
Yoda: *sigh* At least there is another....
Obi-Wan: I sense she'll be respeccing to Entertainer soon, against her will. There's a metal bikini involved.
Yoda: Ah, legal she is now. Jailbait no longer she is. Observe this we will, before calling on her. *grins*
Episode IV, Death Star Detention Block AA-23:
(Leia awaits her execution when suddenly a vertically challenged Stormtrooper enters the cell.)
Leia: Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?
Trooper: *jump*
Trooper: *dance*
Trooper: *gets out a map*
Trooper: *draws pistol*
Trooper: *drops pistol*
Trooper: *goes prone*
Trooper: *plays air guitar*
Trooper: *grabs a datapad*
Trooper: *slams a bofa treat into his face mask*
Trooper: *begins writing an e-mail*
Trooper: *pulls out a pet song rasp, who flies around the cell*
Trooper: *straightens himself up*
Leia: *stares in confusion*
Trooper: *pulls off his helmet* Sorry, this NGE interface sucks and I forgot how to talk. I'm Luke Skywalker and I'm here to rescue you.
(Later a fierce firefight breaks out between soldiers of the 501st and the princess's rescuers.)
Leia: This is some rescue! You came in here and didn't have a plan for getting out?!
Han: *nods towards Luke* He's the brains, sweetheart!
Leia: *rolls eyes* He can't even talk straight without monkeys flying out of his butt. We're screwed.
Episode III, Mustafar Landing Platform:
(Padme pleads with Anakin to change his ways and come home with her in a somewhat familiar analogy to the NGE protests.)
Padme: Anakin, you're breaking my heart! This NGE is going down a path I can't follow!
Anakin/DarthSOE: Because of Obi-Wan?
Padme: Because of what you've done! What you're going to do! Stop! You're a good person, don't do this! I love you!
*DarthSOE spots Obi-Wan on the boarding ramp*
DarthSOE: LIAR!!! You brought him here to protest the NGE! /forcechoke Padme
Obi-Wan: Let her go, Anakin! LET....HER....GO!
*DarthSOE lets go of Padme. She crumples into a fetal position and tries her best to look unconscious.*
DarthSOE: /mood angry
Darth SOE: You turned her against me!
Obi-Wan: You have done that yourself!
DarthSOE: *pacing and fuming* You will not take her from me!
Obi-Wan: Your bugginess and lust for the console gamer market has already done that.
DarthSOE: Don't lecture me Obi-Wan. Everyone knows that the forums are only a small, but vocal, percentage of the actual playerbase. I have brought balance, fun, and excitement to my new NGE!
Obi-Wan: Your new game experience?!?!
DarthSOE: Don't make me BAN you.
Obi-Wan: Anakin, my allegiance is to the original system, the one that was fun!!!
DarthSOE: If you're not with me, then you're my enemy!
Obi-Wan: Only a Dev deals in absolutes. I will do what I must.
DarthSOE: You will try. *flips and dives like a madman*
Obi-Wan: /cancelaccount
Padme: /cancelaccount
*DarthSOE lands and no one is on the platform*
DarthSOE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Eposide IV - On the Death Star.
Darth : I've been waiting for you Obi-wan, We meet again at last. The NGE is now complete, when I left you pre-CU I was but the learner and got owned by KD/Dizzy but now with NGE, I AM THE MASTER.
Obi : Only a master of spamming LEFT CLICK DARTH!
*Lightsaber fighting*
Darth : Your powers are weak old man.
Obi : Didn't you get the memo, FRS is off! You can't win Darth, If you strike me down I'll switch to blue glowie mode and smack talk you all night long.
Darth : You should not have come back, remember how buggy the CU was when they put it in.
*More Lightsaber fighting*
from Corbantis
Eposide V - Cloud City
Darth : You are beaten, it is uselss to resist the NGE, don't let yourself be destroyed as all the Vet's who have cancelled did.
*Lightsaber fighting, Luke looses his hand*
Luke : Arrrrggghhhhhh
Darth : There is no escape, soon the NGE will be live, dont make destory you. Luke you do not yet realise your importance, you have only begun to discover the NERF, join me and I will teach you the NGE, with our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.
Luke : I'll never join you and the NGE!
Darth : If you only knew the power of the console gaming market!
Jabbas Palace: Leia rescues Han
Leia: You are free from the Carbonite
Han: Where am I?
Leia: Jabbas Palace
Han: Who are you?
Leia: Someone who loves you
Han: Leia!............... but I thought you were a Squad Leader, not a Bounty Hunter.
Leia: I'm not a BH, I'm a Spy.
Han: A what?
Leia: Oh yeah, I forgot, the "Force" decided to change again and now we're stuck as these silly profs.
Han: Am I still a smuggler?
Leia: Yes
Han: Doh, I wanted to be a Jedi and be Uber1337
Leia: Don't worry about it, Jedi are teh suxxors now
Episode III, Utapau Flight Deck:
(Obi-Wan engages in hand-to-hand combat with General Grievous.)
Obi-Wan (to self): OMFG, how do I fight without a LS?
Obi-Wan: *sees electrostaff and picks it up* Oh hell yeah, much better.
Obi-Wan proceeds to take a few swings at Grievous before getting pwned and the staff skitters away, out of reach.
Grievous (to self): /chuckle
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm1
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm2
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm3
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm4
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm1
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm2
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm3
Grievous: /unarmedhit_arm4 *hits fighter and dents the armor*
Obi-Wan: /dodges like a 14-year-old Counterstrike player
Grievous (to self): Grrrr...... *examining the fighter damage briefly* Dang, gotta go pwn Necrosis to get another one later.
Obi-Wan (to self): Now what? Oh snap, I have a respec device!
Obi-Wan: /respec Teras Kasi Master
System Message: That profession is no longer available. Please select another.
Grievous approaches and b!tchslaps Obi-Wan, who falls to the ground, but not before ripping open a couple of the general's abdominal plates.
Obi-Wan (to self): Ow. Crap, no TKM, guess I'll have to wing it.
Obi-Wan tries to kick Grievous in the leg, but quickly realizes that shin kicking a durasteel pole is not the best idea for his own shin. He cries out in unspeakable pain and is silently glad that Anakin isn't around to flame on him for losing his lightsaber AND trying to kick an armor-plated droid as if he were 'cartoon-version Mace Windu' or something.
Grievous kicks Obi-Wan, and flings him over the edge of the landing platform! Obi-Wan grabs the edge just in time, barely able to hang on. The droid general, pleased with himself, moves in for the kill.
Obi-Wan: Okay, think quick Kenobi. Respec to something useful.
Obi-Wan: Oh yeah, Force Cloak! /respec Jedi
System Message: You are already a Jedi. However, you have respecced to the Jedi profession and a charge has been used from your respec device. Oh and, you can't cloak anymore.
Obi-Wan: What the....
Grievous gets closer.
Obi-Wan: Gotta remember one of those NGE profs.....maybe officer! /respec Officer
System Message: You are now a member of the Officer profession.
Obi-Wan: /orbital_strike
Commander Cody tells Obi-Wan, "Dude you're in a hole. How the hell are the bombs going to get in there?"
Obi-Wan tells Cody, "doh my bad brb getng gankd"
Grievous gets closer.
Obi-Wan: *notices the gun on the deck* Oh, there's an idea! /respec Commando
System Message: You are now a member of the Commando profession.
Obi-Wan: /forcegrab carbine
System Message: This command is not available to Commandos.
Obi-Wan: Dagnabbit! /respec Jedi
System Message: You are now a member of the Jedi profession.
Obi-Wan: /forcegrab carbine
System Message: You loot a CDEF Carbine.
Obi-Wan: /respec Commando
System Message: You have already respecced to this profession in the last 24 hours. Please wait before returning to this profession.
Obi-Wan: OMG this NGE sucks!!!!! What's left....come on....think....got it! /respec Smuggler
System Message: You are now a member of the Smuggler profession.
Obi-Wan: *aims and blows Grievous to bits, then climbs back up on the ledge to check the corpse*
Obi-Wan: No quest drop? LAME! I burned how many respec charges to kill this guy?
System Message: Seven.
Obi-Wan: Hey wait, not all of those worked!?!?!?!
System Message: Yes, but the charges are used up anyway. You have one charge left.
Obi-Wan: This was supposed to have 10 charges on it!
System Message: And the CU was supposed to balance the game. You going to use it to get your Jedi prof back or not?
Obi-Wan: *mutters* /respec Jedi
System Message: You are now a member of the Jedi profession.
System Message: This item is out of charges, and has been destroyed. Have a nice day.
Obi-Wan: I am so going to just log out in a house in the middle of BFE Tatooine for like 20 years after this is all done.....
Amidala: Honorable delegates of the SOEnate, I come to you under the gravest of circumstances. The Corbantis galaxy and many others have been ruthlessly attacked by the nerf armies of the Dev Federation.
DF Ambassador: I object! This is what they wanted! I recommend a commission be sent to ascertain the truth!
Fanboi Ambassador: The Council of Fanbois concurs with the honorable delegates of the Dev Federation. A commission must be appointed.
SOEnate Chancellor: Noted. *to Amidala* Will you defer your motion until the commission can verify your accusations?
Amidala: I will not defer. I did not elect to disclose my credit card information so that you can discuss this invasion in a committee!
*mumbles echo through the SOEnate chambers*
Amidala: If this body is not capable of action, I suggest that we all move somewhere else. I call for a vote of no confidence in this NGE.
*alien voices chanting 'Vote Now!'*
SOEnate Chancellor: Okay. Everyone look underneath your seats and find the keypad to vote.
Random Senator: I can't find my voting keypad!
SOEnate Chancellor: Look under the container marked 'Register Expansion'.
Random Senator: Got it, thanks.
*a large scoreboard rises up in the middle of the SOEnate floor, displaying the instant results: No 80% Yes 20%*
(With a quick press of a button, the Chancellor rearranges the order of the scoreboard to: 80% Yes 20% No)
SOEnate Chancellor: And there we have it. The NGE goes forward.
Palpatine: Foul! I saw you press the.... *Palpatine suddenly is disintegrated*
SOEnate Chancellor: Flawless victory.
Episode IV: Death Star Docking Bay Control Room
(Luke, Han, Chewie, and the droids are in the control room. R2 has located Princess Leia's detention cell.)
Luke: *standing by the droids* The princess? She's here?
System Message: Talk to Luke Skywalker.
Han: *double clicks on Luke* Princess?
Luke: The droids belong to her, she's the one in the message, we've got to help her!
Quest Window Popup:
You have been offered a quest by Luke Skywalker, 'Save the Princess I'.
If you complete this quest, you will receive:
Nothing
Zip
Zero
Zilch
Cancel? Accept?
Han: *clicks Cancel* Marching into the detention block is NOT what I had in mind.
Luke: But they're gonna kill her!!!
Quest Window Popup:
You have been offered a quest by Luke Skywalker, 'Save the Princess II'.
If you complete this quest, you will receive:
Many blaster shot wounds to the chest
Countless bumps and bruises
A chance to be killed
A slim chance of getting some
Cancel? Accept?
Han: *pauses briefly, then clicks Cancel* Better her than me!
Luke approaches Han and whispers into his ear, "She's rich, powerful. If you were to rescue her, the reward would be more wealth than you can imagine!"
Quest Popup Window:
You have been offered a quest by Luke Skywalker, 'Save the Princess III'.
If you complete this quest, you will receive:
A Fambaa's buttload worth of credits, more wealth than you can imagine
The ability to pay Jabba off and tell him what to do with himself
An extremely slim chance of getting some from the princess
An Alliance Medal of Honor
Cancel? Accept?
Chewie: Rowr. (Dude just /addignore him if he keeps spamming you with quest popups.)
Han: *considers the offer* I dunno, I can imagine quite a bit.
Luke: You'll get it.
Han: *clicks Accept* Okay kid, what's your plan?
System Message: Put Chewbacca in handcuffs.
Chewie: ROWR! (Hey W T F did I do?)
System Message: Put on the Stormtrooper armor and escort Chewbacca with Luke to the elevator. Take the elevator 'up' to the Detention Block. Shoot the everloving crap out of every last guard, turret, camera, holorecorder, and wall panel in there. (0/275)
Han: I've got a bad feeling about this.
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